I've been very gradual and patient with her thus far, but today in a bout of rage I fear I may have undone all my training and she would most likely have sunk into her deep-seated insecurities. The idea is to get her working on impulse control. Anger can become a problem when it comes out as aggression or affects a person’s daily life and relationships. If your dog is afraid of boxes, feed the dog near the box, or put treats near the box, in the box, ect. To get my dogs (especially my rescue pit) to not chase small animals/other dogs, corrections worked very well for me. Pay attention to how long you allow yourself to replay an infuriating scenario in your head. If she hangs out, she gets treat, but having ransoms lure the dog with food will cause you more problems in the future (running to random people on the hope of treats). Stay positive, work with your dog as much as you can. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I like the boundary idea. around 8 – 10 weeks, as before that they are supposed to be in their litter with the mom. A lot of that comes from not having had any boundaries and letting someone do XYZ to me. I replied, that her pleasantry was much more agreeable than her anger. If your dog appears to be exhibiting anger, depression, or any other behavior changes that are severe or last for more than a few days, it’s worth getting a professional medical opinion. Check out non-obedience stuff as well (cannicross, agility, barn hunts etc etc). I'm being serious. I think I have a whole lot of issues aside from a possible anger problem but I guess my story could go here. It was out of this anger, oddly To be totally honest, I want to Yes, beating an animal indicates severe anger management issues. If you don’t deal with your anger problem, it … The author assesses that feeling. However, every time she does; she gets a treat. Treats teach the concept, you provide the motivation. In this situation you've set yourself back. You know better now. My Beagle mix is so food crazy she has figured out how to act like a good dog and wait for people to leave the room, then she goes nuts, counter surfing, checking the trash, etc. I like to think that treats aren't what make a dog come to you, it's you. I guarantee she will forgive and, if she relates it, kiss your ass for a while when you get home. Work on your patience. Dogs have a desire for you in their life (who else do they have?). "Help" does not necessarily mean mediation or lying on a couch discussing your mother. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. However, taking your anger out on someone else is not good. I haven't trusted myself for a long time but I thought my dog was safe. It's important that you say it and you mean it. This is usually done on leash. Learning some of your toddler's triggers and having … Only by making coming back in (and coming to me) the most super-awesome-thing-ever do I have a hope of getting a semi-decent recall. Rumination makes it much more likely that you'll jump to such an antagonistic conclusion. I have visions of the most horrible ways of hurting him and I don't know why or how to stop them. I have abused a couple of past partners. You have to be the most interesting thing for recall to work so start in a non distracting environment and only call her when you know (and really know) she will listen. If the dog messes up, say "No" firmly, but in a normal voice, put them back in the position they were and enable the dog to succeed. when I got her back in I gave her 3-4 severe beatings with my hands. I am basically raising my This all started probably 5 years ago. Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them. My friend’s dog also chooses me, rather than my friend. As you continue replay the action, you keep the frustration and anger fresh and etch the incident into your mind. By Kat McGowan published September 1, 2005 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016. My dog drinking water , my brother making out with his girlfriend, my step father slurrping cerial my other brother talking with his mouthful the dogs excessively barking , water being poured in glass . Whatever you do, whenever you train in a safe place - celebrate the positives, let the negatives go. tell her not to hit or kick, or hurt your dog ever again, no matter how mad she gets. My release word is "break". Could you elaborate? 14 More Questions to Deepen a Relationship, 4 Reasons Why You Should Express Gratitude Every Day, What Mindfulness Can (and Can't) Do for Us, Two Personality Differences Found in Boys and Girls. If you do not follow this basic advice -- you will, without a doubt, beat that dog again. I'm definitely going to work on anger management (not containment, as one of you pointed out) and make sure my dog is never at the receiving end of any of those ever again. We then slowly open the door. Anger fueled by rumination can be especially hard to halt. It's taken 6 long months to train her to walk within the walled compound our house is in, and be comfortable. For a period, yes. . Work on her recall and build your relationship with her. I've been very gradual and patient with her thus far, but today in a bout of rage I fear I may have undone all my training and she would most likely have sunk into her deep-seated insecurities. He pees for revenge. What followed was a good 15-20 minutes of running behind her in tall grass (my neighbours have unkempt backyards) while I was already tired and late for work. I don't get angry, I ask myself what's going on I couldn't get focus with beef liver or steak. There are much better and less cruel ways to negatively reinforce a dog that are much more effective and much less cruel (exclusion for a brief period, for example, is a good one). Trying to short-circuit the cycle by squelching your angry thoughts usually isn't very effective. Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, who has studied rumination, theorizes that as you continue to focus on anger-provoking situations, you form new angry associations, setting up a vicious circle of anger and rumination. I want them to love their childhood and have good memories. Everyone makes mistakes. Where I stay, there aren't very good trainers around. In my anger classes, I've many times suggested that if you want a lot of space in your life, just be a very angry person . The only thing I wouldn't do is have people lure her with food. All positives, all treats, every situation your dog is in for the next 6 months is a situation where you've rigged the game so your dog wins and gets praise. Why? Losing a dog leads to a mix of emotions that may be difficult to comprehend at times. Here is an article on waiting: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/pets/dog-behavior/teach-your-dog-to-wait-at-the-door. She looked with concern and anger upon me—No compliance, I find! Same with coming when you call her, going back inside when she's having so much outside and every little detail we like our dogs to do because it makes it easier to keep them in a sivilised society. I've read that you want to start training recall commands when the dog is already waking toward you. If she's smart, teaching tricks is also a great way to improve your bond. We have our dog trained to wait at the door for a release before moving out. When she's in the garden, she can be a real bitch to get inside. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Pushing the pain into your unconscious, as described earlier, only makes forgiveness impossible because, as unconscious anger, the dark wish to harm those who hurt you remains alive but out of sight. Sometimes people experience intense anger that spirals out of control. You have to be very consistent and do it all the time as you are taking her out. This is already too long, so I'll stop. Good luck. And let her go through. Also, if this is not the first time you have lashed out at something in rage; consider seeking help. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I read some of the posts in this sub, and people have said that a balance of positive and negative training helps the dog and establishes a good dog-master relationship and such. A programme may be a 1-day or weekend course, or over a couple of months. and you'll get all the space you could ever desire. My dad used to bit the sh*t out of my mom and was easily angered. You can start by holding the treat in front of you face, if gaze is locked for a second or two give the treat. Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 7 Basic Personality Ingredients of Difficult People. After that, I immediately felt regret for what I'd done. You shout at her and smack her on the rump—and immediately feel like a class A jerk. They were really hard ... the last one she yelped out pretty loudly... Re-home the dog, seek professional help, and don't get another dog until your doctor believes you've reached the level of maturity required to have one. Over time move the treat away from your face, hold gaze longer. Anger contracted the face of Henry Allister; he nodded gravely. Ye gods...recall? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When all of them were later given a chance to retaliate against a hapless research assistant, those who'd been ruminating were much more apt to do so. I'm a female going on 29 years old. Everything you've said she does like running outside or not coming back to you, can be fixed with training. Every. Now every time he sees me, he cowers from me and I use that as an excuse to beat him up again. As you stomp up the driveway, your little cocker spaniel Brownie trips you up, and you snap. If he loses his cool over something like this once, it is likely to happen again. Dogs licking eachother or Reply We have two gates and a front door before she is outside to use the bathroom. I know there's really no justification for what I did but when I got her back in I gave her 3-4 severe beatings with my hands. One of our dogs is a Husky. There are many youtubes and books on dog training. These pats can also be used as a way to get attention, but they should always be accompanied by a vocal command. In these cases, anger is not a normal emotion but a major problem. After 10 to 20 minutes, the initial burst of anger usually wears off. At first you will have to release after a couple seconds because you need to rig the game so the dog always succeeds. I have found YouTube useful, but having someone who can show you the subtle things you may be doing wrong and lead by example with their dog is invaluable. You can't take it out on the traffic, since there's nothing to be done about it. Written by Madeline Stiers, LCSW Director of Clinical Services at the Hope and Healing Center & Institute. There are books and books worth of training material available just a google or youtube search away. One lash out? Edit - sorry about the misspellings. Thanks, guys. HAH! What just happened? If it does happen again you should re-home the dog if possible. UPDATE : Guys, thanks for all your help despite me being a dog-hitter (albeit,one-time) in what is an all-round amazing community for dog-lovers on reddit. There is a difference between getting mad and beating the shit out of your dog. I don't want them to hate me. So when faced with a trivial annoyance—like a clumsy dog—you go ballistic. Just concentrate on moving forward and don't fret on the past. Also, it's hard but if your dog is running away from you, chasing won't work well. I took her in, and found that she was a very adorable and obedient pup (never goes into the kitchen; although she runs out very frequently and that irks me because we do take her out for walks and play with her in my garden), so I adopted her. It also helped me improve recall overtime, because my dog would recall 90% of the time, but if I got focus the dog would always come and then it became habit and I could remove the focus command. Understanding the stages of grief when losing a dog may help the grieving dog owner better understand what is happening to them. No need to treat. Whenever approaching a closed door or gate, before opening the door we put our hand right in front of her face and loudly say "wait". I love my dog so much but there's this one dog that I really dislike to the point where I want to torture it. How can I do better?". It boggles my mind, how such a sweet, kissy, lovey dog can turn out of no where on other people and dogs and yet, sometimes not even react. In March next year the pair are due to meet with the Queen to discuss how Megxit has gone so far and work out how the couple's relationship with the royal family will continue going forward. Ever, for any reason, no matter how mad you are, no matter what she did. More constructive, think "why did this happen? my dog is my best friend, no excuses, you dont touch my dog. Jesus the comments in this thread. Some of that was out of my Thank you, people of r/dogs, and although I won't be able to reply to each one of you, I'm reading carefully what each of you say while also continuing my YouTube and internet training on dogs. When my pup has the choice between hanging out with me or doing pretty much anything else, she chooses me. Don't worry too much about hurting your dog. Pack-dominance theory is basically bullcrap, ignore it. Some background on her : She's a rescued pup, when she was a month old she was found on the streets and the person who rescued her couldn't keep her because their neighbours threw stones at the dogs she had rescued, so he put them up for foster. First thing I'd do is start with hand feeding and work in a "focus" command. When you think about it this way, it seems pretty unfair of you to let your anger out on the dog, no? Obviously you cared enough to post. Advice on this forum is absolutely not a substitute for professional advice from a certified behaviorist, trainer, lawyer, or medical professional. I'll definitely contain my anger, because this has been a learning incident for me too. It's now been three hours and I can't get over the fact that I may have ruined my relationship with her for a long time to come. I am medicated and in therapy. Rumination is what you do when you repeatedly relive an experience in your mind, replaying it, reviewing it, and reinterpreting it. Every time your dog does something it's not supposed to it's because you failed as a trainer. Your boss chews you out over something inconsequential, and hours later, on the drive home, you find yourself replaying her comments over and over again. Be patient. You can't retaliate against your boss, since he'd fire you. Anger is a normal emotion for toddlers, and they may express this emotion through tantrums. If it's the running outside scenario you describe, you'll need to recall then treat and praise before taking away her fun by putting her inside. The structure of the programme depends on who provides it, but most programmes include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) , as well as counselling. Anger, Thoughts, & Social Behavior Pain alone is not enough to cause anger. So I think I'd better train her myself. I ask my dog to sit at street corners because he'll just walk right out into traffic otherwise. Call her, bend down, and look like an excited fool. I'm definitely going to work on anger management (not containment, as one of you pointed out) and make sure my dog is never at the receiving end of any of those ever again. And look into some anger management for yourself as well. As long as she holds, we continue to open the door all the way, then say "okay!" But if your mind is churning with angry thoughts, you're going to assume she did it on purpose. I was so horrified at what I had done that it has never happened again. Most of us get through life without hitting our pets so hard they cry. she can put the dog outback or in a cage for punishment, but that is animal abuse, and she could get put in jail for that. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? She will be fine. Move on. 5 thoughts on “ 14 Things to Do Instead of Being Frustrated with Your Dog ” J. Johnson November 10, 2015 at 5:04 pm My +R trainer told me something the first week of training, when I was getting frustrated with me dog. Sometimes, he looks at me like he's never heard sit before. What she did was extremely irritating but your reaction was very severe and absolutely cannot happen again. Psychologists call it displaced aggression, but most of us recognize it as the kick-the-dog effect. The more you do with the dog and the more you both have fun, the deeper the bond. I don't want to rehome the dog just yet, because although this post makes me sound like a horrible dog owner, I do provide for her more than most homes would. She even wags her tail after growling at a dog and acts like she has no clue what just If you have to be mad, direct it at yourself for being a poor trainer. To tackle shyness - you need to build positive associations with triggers for the behavior. Misplaced anger or misdirected anger is something we are all guilty of. But that might be difficult if she is about scared of you from past actions. Get her in front of you and say "I am really sorry for what I did, that will never ever happen again and I promise I will be a better owner to you." You've gotten some great in-depth advice already so I won't elaborate on that. Time. Therefore, I fed her my breakfast because she hadn't eaten her entire breakfast and sat and cuddled with her for a while. If it's shy of people you need to have some friends over for some beers, get them to help you out, sit on the floor and be patient. Try to do 3 ten minute training sessions a day and focus exercises whenever you can. He pees for revenge. And finally, understand that it is the depression that causes them to lash out and it is not done to intentionally hurt you or your family. A video on the relation between anger, the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. I will also be considering a rehoming, if my training fails and I consider it necessary, but I doubt that will happen because some of your comments have really given me the patience and will-power to continue with my training, and despite what it may seem I usually do give her all my love, since she's all I have right now. 10m to about 2 years can be rough depending on the breed. Here’s how to stop it. Otherwise she will learn to ignore you. http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/pets/dog-behavior/teach-your-dog-to-wait-at-the-door. If there's no decent trainers near you, buy books (e.g. That means something. But you're not really learning anything new. Even if I've gone hoarse for sounded super-happy-excited and a really just want to throttle her. If you don't want to address it or can't, you really need to consider rehoming the dog because no amount of training will help if that is going to be a potential reaction in the future. It's almost impossible to laugh and be angry at the same time. I also took a toy to try and lure her maybe. The hostile-attribution bias, which kicks in when you're seething with anger, makes matters worse. Focus means the dog should make eye contact with you and hold it until you "release" the dog. Hours later, even though you might no longer feel physically angry, these painful thoughts are still in the back of your mind. When You Want To Know How To Stop Being Angry In Your Relationship, You Have To Understand That Your Hurt Feelings Are Often The Cause Of Your Anger. They were really hard, and must have obviously hurt because on the last one she yelped out pretty loudly. Training is not an easy process and these frustrations are bound to happen again. This subreddit is a great starting point for a lot of information, but you should always verify and expand upon what you've read before putting it to use in your daily life. So we all can make mistakes, but I don’t see any reason Just don't do it again. Research suggests that a better technique is to distract yourself. And, professional dog training is not an option where I live. I'm not the best at typing with my phone, but I think you can figure out the misspellings/bad auto corrects. If it were to happen again the time requirement to get your dog where you want her to be may just be too much to make it happen. Having said that you cannot and should not be using corrections for a while. The key is rumination, a destructive—and common—mental habit. Psychologists have evidence that rumination also plays a significant role in postponed and redirected anger. that irks me because we do take her out for walks and play with her in my garden. They were really hard, and must have obviously hurt because on the last one she yelped out pretty loudly. Even my Aussie shepherd who I have had since he was a pup has benefitted from corrections (I use a thick shoe lace that sits very high under the jaw, doesn't choke, just a quick firm tug upwards - what it does is snaps the dogs attention back more than anything else). Psychologists call it displaced aggression, but most of us recognize it as the kick-the-dog effect. First things first, I'd like to say that I am a terrible human being for doing what I did today so those of you who want to judge me can go ahead but I need help nevertheless. Other tactics: exercising or finding something funny to entertain yourself with. I just wanted to give you a word of advice: Every time your dog does something it's not supposed to it's because you failed as a trainer. Stay classy, guys. My dog is very lovable too. I learned a ton, it's hard to pick up on subtle ques you may give off. Thanks for all the tips, guys, you've been very helpful. So the next time she's being "bad" don't be mad at her. This exercise will help build trust, it's easy to do from your couch and help the dog understand that a down/sit/stand position is to be held until released. If I’m not home for awhile, especially for a few days, he will refuse to eat and lay around all day sad. . Chuck her a couple of treats and start afresh. The term describes the fact that when you're preoccupied with angry thoughts, you're much more likely to see in other people's ambiguous behavior a negative, personal slight. A typical anger management programme may involve 1-to-1 counselling and working in a small group. As you mull over the details of an enraging episode, you may think you're trying to get more information out of it—a new understanding. Anger and frustration in one part of life can lead us to lash out at innocent people (or pets) in another. If you were in a calmer state of mind, you'd just assume she wasn't paying attention. I don't understand why her being in your own garden is an issue.
2020 i hurt my dog out of anger